I saw this on a bumper sticker last week while riding my bike around town. Bumper stickers are a glimpse into the driver’s attitudes, beliefs, and even mentality. When President George W. Bush was in office, there was one stating, “Some village in Texas is missing their idiot.” George Bush is not the smartest guy in America and seems proud of it, but I find it uncomfortable calling our President an idiot.
Likewise, when I’m running, I stay clear of cars with the one proclaiming, “I voted for THE American.” After all the documentation President Obama has provided for the “birthers” proving his American birth, this old, white man (and it’s always an old, white man) is too delusional to be driving. I’m afraid of what he may do.
My cousin, Patrick, has one stating, “I’d rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy.” My wife, Twyla, says, “Now that’s a special kind of stupid right there. I don’t know if Patrick’s ever driven a Chevy, but from the looks of his truck, he has pushed a Ford.”
My cousin, Roger, has the dumbest Dale Earnhardt bumper sticker. It says, “#3, Dale died ‘cause God needed a driver”. Where is God going that he needs someone who can turn left doing 200 miles an hour? And surely God knows Dale died in a car crash. Who’s God’s pilot, John Kennedy, Junior?
If a boy ever showed up at our house to pick up our daughter for a date with a “Show me your hooters” bumper sticker, he’d feel the toe of a 10 1/2, EE running shoe kicking him all the way back to the curb.
I’m not oblivious to the desires of young men. I was once a young man infected with the ill-effects of testosterone, but one can express one’s desires more eloquently.
Two weeks ago I’m on an early morning run in Plainview, Texas before being the keynote speaker for the Plainview Public Schools professional development program. Stopping at a light, I notice a pick-up with a bumper sticker imploring, “Be a flirt, lift your shirt.” So I did.
Thankfully the young man driving the truck found this as funny as I did. We each went to work with a smile on our face.
Please post your favorite bumper stickers saying here, then send me your t-shirt size and mailing address to email@example.com and I will mail you a free Baby Boomer Comedy Show t-shirt.
Known as the “World’s Cleanest” comedian and speaker, Kent Rader helps people learn and experience how laughter matters in reducing stress. Kent is the winner of the Branson Comedy Festival and co-stars in The Baby Boomer Comedy Show, Clean Comedy For People Born Before Seatbelts. (You may watch Kent’s segment on Comcast’s Who’s Laughing Now at